The Slowest Sports News Day of the Year
Listed in:Since I last wrote a piece for this site, I have driven solo across the country (through eleven states), nearly crying at the beauty of western New Mexico, nearly crying at the ferocity of an Oklahoma rainstorm, and nearly crying at the prospect of having to replace all my tires in the backwoods of Tennessee. I've woken up on a couch in a Manhattan studio with a pitbull spooning me, walked the midtown streets through brutal heat, and lost fifteen pounds thanks to said walking through midtown streets in brutal heat. Yup, I've been busy. But on to the business at hand.
The day after the MLB All Star Game is traditionally the slowest sports news day of the year. There was no action that counted in MLB, NBA, NFL, NHL, NASCAR, PGA, or major NCAA sports. Call it the WNBA's Day to Itself. (Un)Fortunately, however, the WNBA was unable to crack the top five biggest sports stories of the slowest sports news day of the year. By my reckoning, here are those five stories with Optimistic, Pessimistic, and Cynical reactions.
5 -- Henrik Lundqvist got a new one year contract from the New York Rangers.
OPTIMISM: It's another year to decide whether or not to sign him long-term, and compared to DiPietro's deal, it's totally reasonable.
PESSIMISM: Rangers'll lose him to unrestricted free agency after this year 'cause they've traded the leverage of overpaying for a restricted year in exchange for underpaying a little on unrestricted years.
CYNICISM: The bastards have been paying so much for veterans, why can't they just shell out for the young guy?
4 -- In a Sports Guy Chat, Bill Simmons advocated trading Coco Crisp for a middle reliever.
OPTIMISM: A power arm in the bullpen is exactly what would put the Red Sox over the top, especially since Ellsbury could probably step in the rest of the way and produce as well as Crisp has thus far.
PESSIMISM: Great googely moogely! Don't you remember what happened to the Reds after they traded two young regular position players for middle relief help? Ellsbury, at best, might one day be as good as Coco Crisp has been before. Expecting him to be as good as Crisp should be during the second half is sheer folly.
CYNICISM: Simmons hasn't thrown a first-class fastball in months.
3 -- Travis Hafner signed a four-year, $57 million extension.
OPTIMISM: Pronk! Pronk! Pronk! Pronk! Pronk! Half donkey! Half project! Pronk!
PESSIMISM: You can't play him anywhere other than DH, and if his power declines in his mid to late 30s, they could be overpaying for an immobile hitter-only type.
CYNICISM: This just shows how crappy my team's GM is. All hail Shapiro.
2 -- The University of Oklahoma was told to erase the wins from its 2005 football season.
OPTIMISM: They've taken their punishment, and now we can all start the process of putting the sordidness behind us.
PESSIMISM: Probation 'til 2010? Fewer scholarships? Aw, sh**!
CYNICISM: In practice, this isn't a "punishment"; it's a damn cupcake party.
1 -- Rashard Lewis signs and gets traded to the Orlando Magic for max money.
OPTIMISM: Lewis outside, Howard inside, and Redick sharpshooting off the bench? That sounds like a recipe for matchup problem soup.
PESSIMISM: Wait a second. Don't the Magic have to re-sign Dwight Howard to a max contract sometime soon? Will they be able to do that and sign enough solid complementary players, too?
CYNICISM: Many millions of dollars and the chance to form the most dynamic young lineup in the league, along with Kevin Durant, Jeff Green, and Chris Wilcox, in addition to a potential point guard platoon of flawed but unselfish players like Luke Ridnour and Delonte West weren't enough to keep him. Instead, it took even more millions of dollars, one better individual player, and an arguably crappier roster the rest of the way around.
