Instead of a rambling discussion of how two week's worth of results aren't really enough to figure out which teams are for real and which are not, I'm just going to tell you that I got off work at 1 am last night, didn't make it home until about 4 am, and didn't wake up until 11:30. Since Ben didn't send me his picks until earlier this morning, I had to hold off on posting this. Whatever. I'm tired. See you next week.

Editor's Note: David's picks this week are brought to you via Incredulousness That The Belichick Cheating Scandal Revealed There Are People Who
Still Believe In The "Purity" Of Sports

This Week

Ben: 7-6-3
David: 7-6-3
John: 4-9-3
Zach: 8-5-3

Texans +6 vs. Colts

Ben: Colts. No Andre Johnson for the Texans. No real chance for them either. They just don't have the weapons to compete with Manning and Co. Side note, I was looking up Football Outsider's DVOA for QBs in 2006. Peyton Manning's was 58%... that's over two times higher than everyone last year except for, get this, Damon Huard. What does this mean? Manning is so good compared to everyone else it's not even close, and 8 games can lie. Push.
David: Texans. Ahman Green hasn't hit the wall yet, and the defense looks frisky. Indy has looked shaky on offense, and Dallas Clark is hurting. On the one hand, the Texans have a guy who cheated so egregiously, the UNIVERSITY OF MIAMI disciplined him. On the other hand, the Colts'
coach notoriously supported an anti-gay group. The Texans will surprise. Push.
John: Texans. Remember, the Colts weren’t real good in the regular season last year. I think you’ll see the same this season. And Houston isn’t bad, and plays well at home. Push.
Zach: Colts. Yes, the close win over the Titans worries me, but sans Andre Johnson I don't see Houston scoring enough to keep up. Push.

Packers +5 vs. Chargers

Ben: Chargers. Two most used football lines in the past two weeks-" _______ is smiling watching the _______ suffer." Choice A. Marty Schottenheimer/ Chargers. Choice B. Ty Willingham/Fighting Irish. At the very least, maybe, just maybe this means Norv Turner won't get another head coaching job. Wrong.
David: Packers. Is it too early to be scared away by Norv Turner? Maybe Shawne Merriman did a
steroid cycle incorrectly. I guess battery pales in comparison to that.
John: Chargers. Packers crash back down to earth, when despite their good defense, the Chargers get back on track offensively. Right.
Zach: Packers. I'm 2-0 with the Pack so far this year, and I don't buy the Chargers defense one bit. Right.

Chiefs -2.5 vs. Vikings

Ben: Vikings. I thought I'd have to go with the Chiefs here, but I can't. The Vikings run defense is the best in the NFL and the Chiefs are beat up on the line. Who's starting at QB for Vikes? Who cares! They have the best 11 man unit in this game, are getting points and as much as I love Herm, because he doesn't use the Internet, I can't trust that he'll realize you can't run on the Vikings. Wrong.
David: Vikings. Love Boat (Bryant McKinnie is my hero) vs. a team with a guy who endangered lives multiple times. Wrong.
John: Chiefs. You could not pay me enough to watch this game. Right.
Zach: Vikings. As I said Week One, the Chiefs are the worst team in football. Wrong.

Patriots -16.5 vs. Bills

Ben: Bills. Oh come on. 3 scores? Did Tom Brady set this line? Did Bill Belichick hack the computers? Seriously, the Pats are better and could cover. But no NFL team should be 3 score underdogs. Wrong.
David: Patriots. Beli-cheat vs. an admitted pot smoker and company. No to drugs! Yes to driving into traffic officers! Right.
John: Bills. Pats are due for a down game. This very well might be a back door cover, but it’s just too many points. The Bills aren’t that bad. Wrong.
Zach: Patriots. Yes, the back-door cover is scary, but the Patriots are good enough that they might be up 30. Right.

Buccaneers -3.5 vs. Rams

Ben: Buccaneers. I hope Marc Bulger has his ice packs ready. No quarterback will get hit more this season. Consequently, the Rams might be in the running for the number one pick overall. Right.
David: Buccaneers. First Leonard Little, then Tony LaRussa, now Dominique Byrd. What's going on in St. Louis? Whatever it is, Jon Gruden, et al, care not. Right.
John: Rams. I’m officially on the “I’m picking this team until they win” mode. Wrong.
Zach: Buccaneers. St. Louis...still the worst team in the NFC. Right.

Eagles -6 vs. Lions

Ben: Eagles. Question, why do all the people who want to criticize Donovan McNabb for his comments use Rex Grossman, Eli Manning and Joey Harrington as their examples for quarterback's who get criticized equally or worse? Doesn't that prove McNabb's point? After all McNabb has done in his career he belongs nowhere near those guys.

Unrelated Lions note: How can a man who gets a concussion go back into a game, as Jon Kitna did last week? I thought the NFL was supposed to stop this garbage. Just shows despite all the talk after tragedies like Kevin Everett, nobody really gives a flying crap until someone actually is lying motionless on the ground. Right.
David: Eagles. Boo to team officials who let a concussed player go back on the field. Pick the Eagles, who merely employ a player who skipped out on a court appearance regarding charges he harassed the mother of his child. Right.
John: Lions. The Eagles have looked awful, and besides his asinine comments about black quarterbacks, Mcnabb has not been a good quarterback so far this season. And the Lions can score with anyone. Wrong.
Zach: Eagles. Nothing this week was more predictable than Ben agreeing with Donovan McNabb and John thinking the whole thing is nonsense. One of these teams is a playoff team, but it's not the 2-0 one. Right.

Steelers -9 vs. 49ers

Ben: Steelers. The Niners might be the first 2-0 team I can remember that actually sucks. They, by all rights, should be 0-2, getting outplayed in both their wins against terrible teams. The Steelers, at home, will remind them even 5 win teams won two games at some point. Right.
David: Steelers. The 49ers drafted Tarell Brown despite pending weapons charges. The Steelers signed a pooper. Right.
John: 49ers. I’m going against popular thought on this, but I think SF has a great defense, and I don’t really buy Pittsburgh as a great team. By the way does anyone else think the Mike Tomlin is the best groomed football coach ever? If I was Steelers fan I would be concerned my coach was so concerned with his appearance. Wrong.
Zach: Steelers. The 49ers are mediocre at best. They can't win this game. They might cover, but I hate picking road dogs who I can't see winning. Right.

Jets -3 vs. Dolphins

Ben: Jets. Chad Pennington is playing for his job after a solid performance from Kellen Clemens last week. Good news for him the Dolphins are in town, minus Zach Thomas on defense. Push.
David: Jets. The Dolphins have a guy who got into a public rumble in Vegas. The Jets, in comparison, only have a receiver who got kicked off Florida State's team when he was charged with grand theft. Push.
John: Jets. I’m sure the Jets win this game, the spread scares me though. I can easily see this being a 14-13 type game. Neither of these teams are very good on offense. Push.
Zach: Jets. The Dolphins are the worst team east of Missouri. Push.

Ravens -7.5 vs. Cardinals

Ben: Cardinals. The Ravens gave up 10 against the Jets and could have lost the game. If Justin McCareins were useful, it would have at least gone to OT. The Cardinals will pass the ball on the Ravens, and get enough points to cover. Right.
David: Cardinals. I think Ray Lewis was guilty of more than what he admitted to in his trial. That's worse than knocking up your ex while spreading seed throughout the western US. Go with the Cards. Right.
John: Ravens. The Cardinals can’t win on the road and I can’t see Matt Leinart doing well against the Ravens defense. This is my suicide pick as well. Wrong.
Zach: Ravens. Much like the 49ers, the Cardinals can not win this game on the road. Thus, I can't pick them. Bad day for the NFC West. Wrong.

Seahawks -3 vs. Bengals

Ben: Bengals. A great offense against a suspect defense. A good offense, at home, against an awful defense. Tough choice- I'll go with the great offense. Push.
David: Seahawks. Odell Thurman? Chris Henry? Meet Sean Locklear. Push.
John: Seahawks. I really want to root for the Bengals. I love to watch them and I think Chad Johnson is hilarious. But they gave up 51 to the Browns and Derek Anderson. The Seahawks will grind the clock and move the ball at will. Push.
Zach: Bengals. Too many weapons on offense, and I just can't see the Seahawks keeping up. Push.

Redskins -3.5 vs. Giants

Ben: Redskins. Another interesting note: Eli Manning is considered a much better quarterback than Jason Campbell. Last year Campbell had a higher DVOA and did not have Plaxico Burress bailing him out on overthrows. So, tell me again why McNabb was so crazy and off base with his assessment? Wrong.
David: Redskins. You can't fight police officers while drunk and get away with it. Nor can you brandish firearms and expect the issue to be quickly forgotten. Wrong.
John: Giants. I love this game. I would pick the Giants to win outright, so the points make me even happier. Neither team have rosters that dictate 3-0 or 0-3. Equilibrium is needed. It comes this week. Right.
Zach: Redskins. You can spell Giants T-O-A-S-T this year. Wrong.

Raiders -3 vs. Browns

Ben: Raiders. People do realize Derek Anderson did this last year right? Remember the Kansas City game? He came out of nowhere to lead the Browns back. At that moment, he was the One. Then he went back to being plain old Mr. Anderson the rest of the way. Plus, if I keep picking Josh McCown, eventually he'll cover, right? Wrong.
David: Raiders. Cocaine is like your pinky finger. If you'd never had it to begin with, your life would be slightly different, I guess, but not so much. Playing guitar would be a different proposition. That sort of thing. As a corollary, having a pinky finger doesn't exactly make your life that much more awesome in the big picture. And when either cocaine or your pinky goes up your nose, it's impossible not to look skeezy. Meanwhile, the Raiders appear to like their drugs legal. Wrong.
John: Raiders. The Browns winning their second straight game, this one on the road? No way. The Raiders ain’t bad. Wrong.
Zach: Raiders. From now on, instead of referring to Derek Anderson as The One, we're gonna call him The One (Week Wonder). Wrong.

Broncos -3 vs. Jaguars

Ben: Jaguars. This pick assumes two things: A. Jack Del Rio wises up and says "we've got two damn good backs and they've got a damn good secondary. We are going to run the ball 50 times today." B. The Jags don't make any sense, so since most people love Denver here, the Jags will pull it out. Right.
David: Broncos. Chug! Chug! Chug! Anger manage! Anger manage! Anger manage! Wrong.
John: Broncos. They rebound bigtime. Jacksonville is slowly realizing they chose the wrong quarterback. They can’t score, and Denver wants to play well after struggling last week. Wrong.
Zach: Broncos. I have no feelings about this game. Wrong.

Falcons +4 vs. Panthers

Ben: Panthers. Another suitable answer for the fill-in before is "Bobby Petrino/Louisville Cardinals" though no one is talking about it because Petrino left on his own. Of course he did recruit the players who gave up 400 yards passing to Syracuse… Anyway, Joey Harrington. Need I say more? Right.
David: Falcons. Guns in strip clubs? That's totally unoriginal. As for Atlanta, does anyone realize a different player on the team beat Mike Vick in the race to get charged with animal cruelty? Wrong.
John: Panthers. Frothing at the mouth from last week, the Panthers dominate a horrible Falcons team. Can you say first pick overall? Right.
Zach: Panthers. I hate picking this team, but yikes, the Falcons suck. Right.

Bears -3 vs. Cowboys

Ben: Cowboys. It comes down to one thing; I just don't think the Bears are that good. Right.
David: Bears. Two for one... Guns for all? (BOOOOOO!) Guns for no one? (BOOOOOO!) Guns for some, little American flags for others! Wrong.
John: Cowboys. A barometer game for Tony Romo, yes. But more important to me is the Dallas defense pressuring Grossman into turnovers. Any Wade Phillips defense is designed to pressure the quarterback. Let’s see it! Right.
Zach: Cowboys. Remember this time last year, when Rex Grossman was good? Me neither. Right.

Saints -4.5 vs. Titans

Ben: Saints. One of those games where the Titans will have to rise above the environment. That place will be nuts. The Saints are desperate. A loss here and it all goes spiraling out of control. I say they win here and temporarily stave off the vultures. Besides, Reggie Bush has to have a big game eventually, right? Wrong.
David: Titans. Reggie Bush seems like a nice guy. Too bad he had so many shady people around him in college. What if he'd gone to West Virginia? Right.
John: Saints. I can’t figure this team out, but one thing I think I do know is that they’re still pretty good, especially on offense. Tennessee lets down on the road after playing Indy tough. By the way, can you please feature Deuce McCallister a little bit more! Wrong.
Zach: Titans. Because this one can't follow the script (it's not 2006 any more!) Right.

Last Week

Ben: 6-9-1
David: 8-7-1
John: 6-9-1
Zach: 8-7-1

Season Standings

Zach: 25-17-6
David: 24-18-6
Ben: 20-22-6
John: 17-25-6