Zach’s been doing the NFC report for a couple of weeks now and while I have been tempted to follow up with my AFC edition, something compelling always stopped me. I admit, I thought about a little potpourri with quite a few interesting topics floating around, but I think it’s time to get started with the weekly editions. Besides, I need to stick my neck out on the line with a controversial first prediction. This won’t be useful two weeks from now, so we might as well get it out of the way.

I’m of course talking Colts and Patriots. I don’t know if we have any Patriots fans who read this, but if they do, I’m sure I’m going to get hit with the venom that seems to be spewing from online commentary of anyone who doesn’t call the Pats the greatest team in the history of sports; nay… the greatest collection of sentient beings in the history of the universe!!!

I’ll get right on learning to accept that after I finish crowning Kevin Garnett/Ray Allen/Paul Pierce the most amazing trio since the three Musketeers in 16th century France. Oh and the Red Sox’s baseball’s new dynasty, we can’t forget that. BC’s a lock to win the NCAA football title you know.

Venting done. On to the AFC report.

1. Indianapolis Colts (6-0): People are talking about the Patriots because they have just run through teams left and right, but in reality, you can make a serious case for the Colts being more impressive. The defense which played so well in the playoffs has carried over, a definite surprise. Joseph Addai and Marvin Harrison go down? Peyton Manning and the offense doesn’t miss a beat. At home in week 9, I really believe they will take the most anticipated regular season match up in years.

1A. New England Patriots (7-0): Seriously, the Randy Moss is ridiculous when he wants to be. This is the Randy Moss who made Green Bay burn early round draft choice after early round draft choice on corners. He’s the most unstoppable force in the NFL right now. One has to wonder how the Colts’ Cover 2 will deal with him deep against the safeties.

3. Pittsburgh Steelers (4-2): I’m going to be honest with you, I think the Steelers are a good team. I put them on a level like Dallas. Guess what? In the AFC, that’s good for third at best. This team has a lot to like with Willie Parker and Santonio Holmes as weapons for Big Ben on offense, and their defense is solid. But they’re just not on the same level as the Colts and Pats. And they’ll likely have to beat both to go to the Super Bowl. I just can’t see it happening.

4. Jacksonville Jaguars (4-2): The Jags are probably the third best team in the AFC with David Garrard at QB. Wow didn’t think I’d say those words. But with Quinn Gray, they drop to fourth. May not seem bad, but in reality the AFC is: Colts/Pats, many levels of heaven, the Steelers, many levels of smog, and then the current Jaguars. Basically, Gray kills their offense. Their defense is still very good, so I’d rather take their combo over the teams that follow, but this is a step down in talent at the moment.

5. Baltimore Ravens (4-3): I’m not sure there is a more overrated team than the Ravens. I put them at five because I don’t think they’re worse than any team below them, but the gap between them and even a Quinn Gray led Jaguars team is pretty steep. The Ravens defense is living off hype; they can stop the run, but their pass defense is not that good. They’re essentially the Vikings without Adrian Peterson but with a better QB. Good, but not a real threat to the AFC powers in my estimation.

6. San Diego Chargers (3-3): Norv Turner is a terrible head coach. The sooner people accept that the sooner NFL owners can get on with their lives. There is no rule stating a great coordinator has to be a great coach, you know. Just ask Mike Martz.

7. Tennessee Titans (4-2): Their defense hasn’t missed a beat with Pac-Man Jones suspended which is a plus. However, while Vince Young is a valuable commodity in fantasy land, his real life impact has been Michael Vick-esque on the field. Well without the ungodly rushing totals. As long as the defense keeps playing at this level, Young will continue “to just win”, so long as they aren’t playing the Colts, Patriots or the Jags with Garrard. But the only way they’ll ever challenge the others this year is if Young elevates his game significantly once he returns from injury.

8. Kansas City Chiefs (4-3): You can question his quotes, his clock management or his knowledge of the internet, but it’s becoming harder and harder to question the belief that Herman Edwards is a great NFL head coach. Seriously, who would have thought this Chiefs team was worth anything, let alone being potential division winners?

9. Cleveland Browns (3-3): So if you remember the first Matrix movie, Neo did incredible things right off the bat. He was able to do a good job against Morpheus in their fight sim, he picked up the agent attack before it happened etc. Still, it wasn’t clear cut enough, at least to everyone not named Morpheus, that he was The One. He actually had to get killed first by Agent Smith. Then of course he comes back and assumes his rightful place as humanity’s supposed savior.

So here we have Mr. Derek Anderson, who came into his first NFL game and performed well. Then he struggled quite a bit; showing signs but still failing for the most part. He loses his chance to start to Charlie Frye, has Brady Quinn waiting in the wings, and it looks like his career is dead. Next thing you know, Wiggles (Frye) is traded to Seattle, Quinn can’t get into a game, the Browns have a 3-3 record and are dreaming of an unlikely playoff run. Anderson ranks as the fourth best QB in DVOA in the game.

Could Mr. Anderson actually be “the One”??? Brown fans better hope the ending to this season beats the end of the Matrix trilogy.

10. Houston Texans (3-4): The idea that Matt Schaub is a world beater might be tempered by Sage Rosenfels’ performance against the Titans last Sunday. I mean this is the second time Rosenfels has excelled when given the chance by Gary Kubiak. Maybe the problem just is David Carr sucked?

Anyway, Houston’s offense needs Andre Johnson back and their defense isn’t as good as it’s played thus far. They’d still be a playoff team though, if they didn’t play in the AFC South, the NFL’s toughest division.

11. Denver Broncos (3-3): Denver’s 3-3 and all is not right in the Mile High City. Well unless you’re talking about the Rockies’ run. But the Broncos defense can’t tackle, Champ Bailey is hurt, and the coronation of Jay Cutler as the next great thing is on indefinite hold. Travis Henry’s in court for something other than paternity suits, which is never a good thing. They can’t suspend you for illegitimate kids. They can for smoking weed. Just ask Ricky Williams. Why if Ricky had taken up a more respectable habit, like impregnating women on a frequent basis, not only could be considered a great fantasy tailback option, but maybe even a hall of famer with no peer. And I’m not talking about Henry here.

12. Cincinnati Bengals (2-4): The greatest collection of wasted talent around. I’m not sure it’s the coach’s fault either. Long time Broncos fan Aaron Goldhammer can relay to all that will listen the perils of having Delta O’Neal as your starting cornerback. In short, if it aien’t in Madden, it aien’t pretty.

13. Buffalo Bills (2-4): Flying under the radar this year, Trent Edwards is proving not all rookie QBs have to be busts. The Bills are taking it easy this year so far with him, but he’s been exceedingly not bad for a rookie. He’s not playing well, but he’s just slightly below average, something JP Losman could only do for a stretch last year. Now if they only had a player left standing on defense, they could have made a run.

14. New York Jets (1-6): What’s the difference between the Jets this year and the Jets last year? Well for starters Chad Pennington is only average, last year he was borderline top ten. The defense is the worst in football whereas last year, it was only very bad. Part one is probably just a stats deviation despite what Jets fans might think and part 2 is showing the mirage the Jets’ defense was last year. Pennington isn’t the problem. But he still should be benched; the Jets need to see what they have in Kellen Clemens already. This season is lost, just like it looks Jonathan Vilma is.

15. Oakland Raiders (2-4): The Raiders are better than they were last year. It’s probably the result of having a playbook slightly more complex than Tecmo Super Bowl. Really that’s about all I can say about them because they’re still pretty darn bad.

16. Miami Dolphins (0-7): Ronnie Brown, done for the year. Chris Chambers? Traded. Zach Thomas? Injured in a post game car accident. Dan Marino? Retired. Yes, things are pretty bleak in Miami these days. And to top it all off, starting middle linebacker Channing Crowder didn’t know where London is. Funny, he didn’t know where anyone on the Pats’ offense was last Sunday. I guess this explains a lot. By the way Channing, there ARE black people who were born and raised in London.