Alright, after a hectic week we're back with the NFL Picks: unabridged version. Week 14 is probably important to a bunch of NFL teams, but it's far more noteworthy as the beginning of fantasy football playoffs around the country. In the five years of their history, the Seattlesaurus has never played during Week 14: the first four years it was because we never made the playoffs. This year, it's because we have a first-round bye. It couldn't have come at a more opportune time, with stars Brett Favre and Reggie Bush nursing injuries. 2007 saw a record-high finish for my fantasy baseball team, and this year's football squad has already achieved more than any other in my not-so-illustrious past. Two more wins, and we can give hope to all the downtrodden fan bases (except the Cardinals, they'll never win dick).

This Week

Ben: 11-4
David: 10-5
John: 11-4
Zach: 11-4

Redskins -3 vs. Bears

Ben: Redskins. Right.
David: Bears. Wrong.
John: Redskins. Right.
Zach: Redskins. The theme of this week's picks is: who does this game mean the most to. Tonight's game obviously matters most of all to Joe Gibbs, who choked away last week's game against the Bills. The Bears are a good team, and I think Gibbs is smart enough to keep the ball away from Devin Hester. Right.

Lions +10.5 vs. Cowboys

Ben: Cowboys. The Boys are kicking ass and taking names. The Lions have remembered who they are. Wrong.
David: Cowboys. If not for the Pats, this Cowboys team would be feted at every turn, with rampant comparisons to the '98 Vikings. Wrong.
John: Cowboys. I wonder if the people in Detroit have given up on their season yet? They should. This team has packed it in and the boys are looking for payback after a late season loss last year, and Jon Kitna talking some smack afterwards. Wrong.
Zach: Lions. This game means the most to: The rest of the NFC. Dallas has looked awesome almost all season, but much like the Patriots have struggled lately I think I see a few too-close wins in store for the Cowboys. After all, something needs to keep the NFC playoffs interesting. Right.

Bills -7 vs. Dolphins

Ben: Bills. Miami shouldn't be winless. The problem is their close losses are in the past and this current injury ravaged team might be the worst team in the league not named the Niners. After getting trashed at home by the Jets, it's hard to see them beating a better Bills team in Buffalo, in December. Right.
David: Bills. Rational: With the first pick of the 2008 NFL Draft, the Miami Dolphins select Glenn Dorsey.

Trap pick, because even though he's a beast, he won't be in a position to succeed: With the first pick of the 2008 NFL Draft, the Miami Dolphins select Darren McFadden. Right.
John: Bills. The Dolphins will win a game before the season is out, but it won’t be in freezing cold Buffalo with the Bills looking for a playoff spot. Right.
Zach: Bills. This game means the most to: Cam Cameron. He's running out of chances to avoid the ignominy of 0-16, and while playing in Buffalo in December is never a good thing for Miami, this might be his last best chance at a win. It won't happen, and Cam will have a damn hard time keeping his job. Right.

Eagles -2.5 vs. Giants

Ben: Eagles. Don't trust Eli Manning. Nope don't trust him one bit. Beside the annual Giants swoon is upon us. Wrong.
David: Eagles. Eli isn't very good. We know this. Almost everyone knows this, but the G-Men have to ride him as far as they can. Wrong.
John: Eagles. The Giants continue to get by playing bad football, but the other teams can’t seem to take advantage. The Eagles will, and this will catapult them to potential playoff run. Wrong.
Zach: Eagles. This game means the most to: Donovan McNabb. AJ Feeley isn't good, and a solid performance by #5 should bury any lingering controversy. Of course it won't, because most Philly fans are racist, ignorant assholes, but it's worth a shot. Wrong.

Jaguars -10.5 vs. Panthers

Ben: Jaguars. Two jungle cats battle and only one will emerge. The Panthers are more like an old, beat up house cat while the Jags are a ferocious, hungry beast. Or in layman's terms, the Panthers suck and Jags are good. Go with the good team. Right.
David: Jaguars. As as been documented numerous times this season, the Panthers QB situation is bad enough that their reasonably talented line and receivers don't really matter. Right.
John: Jaguars. The Panthers are just awful, and the Jaguars are darn good. Right.
Zach: Jaguars. This game means the most to: Whoever approved these expansion franchises. Jacksonville is a good team playing in a terrible city, while Carolina is a terrible team playing in a good city. Hooray for oversaturating the southern US with sports franchises nobody follows! Right.

Titans Pick vs. Chargers

Ben: Chargers. Albert Haynesworth is back so I'm very tempted to jump on the Titans again. I also feel dirty trusting Norv Turner. Now I know how the Chargers' ownership feels! Right.
David: Chargers. Just a hunch that Vince will make one more dumb play to overcome the Chargers' poor preparation and playcalling. Ultimately, I think we're all still blaming San Diego for not being as awesome as we thought they should be, but they're still not that bad. Right.
John: Chargers. The Titans are in a downward spiral as people realize Vince Young has a better chance of running the ball on any given play for 20 yards, than throwing it. Right.
Zach: Titans. This game means the most to: Albert Haynesworth. Shut down LT, and he's got to be a lock for DPoY. Wrong.

Bengals -7 vs. Rams

Ben: Bengals. The Rams are playing well these days. But now starting at QB for Sunday's game, Brock Berlin. The same Brock Berlin whom I affectionately nicknamed Pick Hurlin' dating by to his days as Kenny Dorsey's heir at the U. I never thought I'd see the day when he got a chance to quarterback an NFL game. What's next? Chris Rix (or Chris Picks?) starting a game? Drew Weatherford taken on day 1 if the NFL draft? Jessie Palmer, lead studio analyst? Oh wait…Right.
David: Bengals. I haven't seen what Ben wrote, but I'm going to guarantee a lame Brock Berlin joke. Lame? Yes, lame. Because I've got a better one.... In this game, the Rams are going to collapse faster than the Brock Berlin Wall did in November '89. Right.
John: Bengals. The Cats seem to have put it together a little bit. See what kind of glue Chris Henry is for a locker room? But seriously, this will be a scorefest and the Bengals are more adept at playing outside in the cold. Right.
Zach: Bengals. This game means the most to: Ben Valentine. Because if Brock Berlin is even marginally competent, it will throw his whole love affair with Ken Dorsey into turmoil. Right.

Packers -10.5 vs. Raiders

Ben: Packers. Long week for Green Bay, at home, against a Raiders team that is due for a loss. I don't see the Raiders winning here, so I won't pick them.Right.
David: Packers. I'm not scared of Brett Favre's injury, because Favre is the man against which all other men are measured. Anyone else, and, collectively, we'd be wondering if Aaron Rodgers's performance indicated that maybe the whole offense is pretty strong and it's not just a Favre resurgence driving the Pack. Regardless, the Raiders suck. Right.
John: Packers. This is a bad matchup for Oakland who needs to run the ball to be effective. The Pack will be annoyed after loss to Dallas last week. Right.
Zach: Packers. This game means the most to: Ryan Grant. We know Favre's tough. We know he's good. The Packers need him to be both to have a shot at the Super Bowl. Oakland's got a good pass defense, but they suck against the run, so expect to see plenty of Grant to buy #4 a bit more time to recover. Right.

Patriots -10.5 vs. Steelers

Ben: Patriots. Because as soon as I jump off the Pats bandwagon they'll start winning big again. Right.
David: Steelers.I've finally turned. The linebacker situation for New England is dire. Note the teams The Pats have been playing recently: Philly, Baltimore, and now Pittsburgh. I'm not usually one to put much stock in things like swagger and attitude, but I think in this case, there's a grain of truth related to swagger and attitude hidden in here. Consider: Until the Eagles game, the Patriots didn't play any opponent whose defensive personality was that of a proud aggressor. New England's offense has been taking on that role, bullying and smacking around other teams. Finally, when they faced Philadelphia, the Colvin situation came up, and they finally faced an explicitly aggressive team. Baltimore was more of the same. Now, the Pats are so talented, they were able to capitalize on opposing quarterbacks' mistakes and escape with wins, but I think the Steelers have the talent, even minus Polamalu, to stick with the Patriots, hit back when the Pats try to bully them, and win outright. Wrong.
John: Steelers. The Pats mediocre play for two straight weeks catches up to them and the Steelers end the undefeated season. Wrong.
Zach: Patriots. This game means the most to: Bill Belichick. This is it Bill. The brass ring. Your team has flirted with disaster the last two weeks, against inferior teams. The offense has played well, but not anywhere near the level you'd established the first ten games of the year. Defensively, people have realized that without Roosevelt Colvin your linebackers are old and slow. Losing in Indy, to a very good Colts team, would have been understandable. Losing at home to a mercurial Steelers team, a team missing one of their top defensive weapons could derail your entire season. Let's see what you've got. Right.

Texans +3 vs. Buccaneers

Ben: Buccaneers. Jeff Garcia is starting, so I feel comfortable taking the Bucs here. Wow, that's something I didn't think I'd say three years ago. Wrong.
David: Buccaneers. So help me, if Tampa makes the NFC Championship Game, we're going to hit critical mass on uses of the word "scrappy". Wrong.
John: Texans. After a big win last week the Bucs let down against the Texans. Right.
Zach: Buccaneers. This game means the most to: Nobody except fantasy owners. Tampa Bay is going to walk away with the NFC South. The Texans are going nowhere. Still, there are enough Andre Johnson owners out there to keep a few folks tuned in. Wrong.

Seahawks -7 vs. Cardinals

Ben: Seahawks. NFC West football at it's best! Right.
David: Seahawks. Subtracting Shaun Alexander makes all the difference. On a separate note, is it possible Ken Whisenhunt is working to make the quarterback position fungible? Tim Rattay! Tim Rattay! Right.
John: Seahawks. The Arizona receivers are all banged up, and they can’t play on the road. Seattle, on the other hand, is great at home. Right.
Zach: Seahawks. This game means the most to: Shaun Alexander. He was decent enough last week to stave off criticism and get almost all of the carries (which is a reason the game was closer than it should have been), but he has almost no leeway with fans (and hopefully the team). Struggle again against the Cardinals, and I think we'll see more Mo Morris. Right.

49ers +8.5 vs. Vikings

Ben: Vikings. I hear that Adrian Peterson guy is good. Also heard; the Niners can't pass. That means a long day against the Vikings dominant front line. Right.
David: Vikings. I love Patrick Willis. That said, don't be shocked if Purple Jesus has 200 yards by halftime. Right.
John: Vikings. One team is rolling, the other stinks to high heaven. Right.
Zach: Vikings. This game means the most to: All the other crappy NFC wild card contenders. Even with no quarterback and a suspect pass defense, this Vikings team appears to be the frontrunner for the final playoff spot in the NFC. With a cakewalk this week, Minnesota is well positioned to seize that spot, which spells trouble for the Lions, Cardinals, Eagles, Redskins, and everyone else who doesn't suck quite enough to be out of the race. Right.

Jets +3.5 vs. Browns

Ben: Browns. It's a long anticipated rematch of the Civil War between Derek Anderson and Kellen Clemens. (Oregon State/Oregon for those not up on their college football rivalries) If I were in NY watching this game, I'd be making non stop Simpsons and Matrix jokes for four quarters. Right.
David: Browns.Just to keep up, the Jets' offense will have to pick it up big time. Color me skeptical. Right.
John: Jets. Wrong.
Zach: Jets. This game means the most to: the city of Cleveland. Let's face it, this Browns team has overachieved all year long. They look like they could be headed for a Lions/Cardinals type fade: a team that has no history of success starts out strong, only to collapse once they realize that they're the Browns and are supposed to suck and crush their fans. Bad juju takes a long time to overcome. Wrong.

Broncos -6.5 vs. Chiefs

Ben: Chiefs. I don't know who is going to win this, which means a big spread is a no-no. I'm taking the points. Wrong.
David: Broncos. Is Jay Cutler the most overlooked solid starting QB in the NFL? I think it's because he's bland. And played at Vanderbilt. He's the perfect mix of un-terrible and un-brilliant. Wrong.
John: Broncos. I think I’ve picked the Broncos wrong every single week this season. One day they’re beating the Steelers, the next they can’t beat the Raiders. Right.
Zach: Broncos. This game means the most to: Mike Shanahan. Yes, he has two Super Bowl rings, but I think people in Denver are getting mighty sick of his whole schtick (and the last two underwhelming seasons). Right.

Ravens +9 vs. Colts

Ben: Colts.I just get the feeling Baltimore will be hung over from their Monday night loss and be a bit flat facing Indy here. Right.
David: Colts. Huge letdown game for the Ravens after their most emotional game this season (and that's saying something for the Ravens). They're less talented to begin with, so if they have any trouble getting up for the game, forget it. Right.
John: Colts. Ravens are imploding after that awful loss to New England. Mike Gravel has a better chance of being President with Dennis Kucinich as his running mate than Brian Billick does at coaching the Ravens again next season. Right.
Zach: Colts. This game means the most to: lovers of football cliches. See, the Ravens are coming off an emotionally draining loss to the Patriots on Monday: short week, another tough game, spells big time letdown. Also, they're not very good, which helps. Right.

Falcons +5 vs. Saints

Ben: Saints. Don't all jump onto the Chris Redman bandwagon at once people.
David: Saints. I always confuse Chris Redman with Mike Redmond.
John: Saints. The Saints are another team I haven’t picked right all year but you gotta figure they’ll be up for a nationally televised Monday night game, right?
Zach: Falcons. This game means the most to: Reggie Bush. And he's not even playing in it. The rumblings are getting louder and louder about him being a bust as a running back, so he desperately needs the Saints offense to struggle. I'm undecided about the whole issue: it seems like there's an equal chance that the Saints just haven't figured out how to use him effectively, since most of his touches seem to be two-yard passes where he's supposed to beat three defenders. Maybe he needs another back to take some of the pressure off him, or maybe he needs another system, one that can get him the ball in space so he can make big plays. Of course, it could just be that his speed and elusiveness are less exceptional now that he's playing in the NFL.

Last Week

Ben: 6-10
David: 8-8
John: 8-8
Zach: 11-5

Season Standings

Zach: 120-76-11
David: 106-90-11
Ben: 99-97-11
John: 88-108-11